Intentional Leaders Podcast with Cyndi Wentland

Breaking the Venting Cycle: Convert Complaints into Constructive Leadership

• Cyndi • Episode 143

Share episode

I'd love to hear from you! Send a text message.

Have you ever stopped to consider the true cost of venting at work? Join me on the Intentional Leaders Podcast as we unravel the surprising ways venting can sabotage not just your career, but also the morale and trust within your team. This episode isn't just about identifying the problem—it's a guide to transforming that urge to rant into opportunities for constructive change and leadership. By understanding the root causes of why we vent, we can break free from the cycle of negativity and learn to address issues head-on, fostering healthier communication and a more positive workplace environment.

Discover practical strategies to shift from being a passive complainer to an active problem-solver, and learn how to cultivate an atmosphere of mutual respect and open dialogue. Venting might offer momentary relief, but I'll show you how it traps us in a loop of unresolved issues and cognitive distortions. Together, let's move towards enhancing productivity and morale by addressing conflicts directly and constructively. This episode is your toolkit for leading with intention, influence, and integrity—no matter your position. Don't miss out on these insights that can transform not just your work life, but your leadership journey as well.

Be the Best Leader You Know

Perform with Power, Lead with Impact, Inspire Growth

To sharpen your skills and increase your confidence, check out the Confident Leader Course: https://www.intentionaleaders.com/confident-leader

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the Intentional Leaders Podcast, where we talk about leadership, growth and creating a lasting impact without needing a title to lead, and I'm Cindy Wettlund, your host. Today we're going to dive into a topic that many of you have experienced in the workplace, and it's all about venting. I was just doing a class recently about drama. We talked a lot about venting and I kind of went off on a little bit of a rant about how unproductive it is. So today we're going to dive into that topic and see how to stop the drama and stop the venting. So let's talk about drama and venting. Venting often feels like a release. It's a way to offload stress and frustration. But what if I actually told you that venting is destructive? Yeah, it seems harmless, but it has so many negative consequences for you and your team and your career. So I want to talk a little bit about why it can be so harmful and what you can do instead to be a good role model. So we really need to start with first. Why in the world do we vent? And, of course, most of us do it because we're looking for some kind of release from our emotion. Think about the last time you did this right you were frustrated with a colleague, maybe you were overwhelmed by a project or by all the projects you have going on, or maybe you were annoyed by a decision and you just wanted to get it all out, because for many of us, we think that's a good way of coping. The problem is, venting does not solve anything and even though it may feel good in the moment, in the long run it really does lead to more harm than good, like all drama, frankly. So why is venting so destructive?

Speaker 1:

I really want to focus on four key reasons. Why is this so bad? One and this is very painfully obvious it spreads negativity. Because when you vent, you're sharing your frustrations with others. Of course, that's what it is, but what happens when that negativity spreads? What happens if you complain about a manager or a coworker? You're not just offloading your stress, you're potentially dragging other people into your emotional state. What starts off as your frustration can actually affect the mindset of others. And think about that the last time. Someone dumped on you and then you walked away feeling like, yeah, like the world sucks, this is terrible. And you actually walk away not feeling better, but feeling worse. So, instead of focusing on solving problems or making any kind of progress, we start to dwell on what's going wrong and that negativity y'all. It is contagious. It leads to that lower morale and it reduces our productivity. And you know what? It might even cause resentment amongst your team members that you're dumping on them and affecting their morale. That's not cool.

Speaker 1:

But here's the second really important part of the destructive qualities of venting is that it undermines trust, because typically what we're venting about is someone else right and it's rare that we really directly vent to the person that we're actually venting about. The target of our stress and the target of our emotional energy probably isn't the person that you're venting to. And so when we vent about maybe a colleague or a client or a boss, you're signaling inadvertently that you're not willing to address that issue directly with that person. So what happens? It creates this toxic cycle of gossip and it erodes your credibility. Because think about it, if you're venting about someone, what stops others from thinking you may also be venting about them? It just really breaks down the open communication and mutual respect that we want and the credibility we need to be able to lead and influence others.

Speaker 1:

Number three y'all venting doesn't do anything. It's the truth, bob. Venting doesn't solve your problems. It prolongs them, because when you're venting, you're not really engaging in a productive dialogue to address the root cause of your problem. Instead, you're staying stuck in that emotion. In the class I did recently about drama, we called this cognitive distortions. You have a distorted mental model of reality and by venting you're simply continuing to live in that distorted world and you're not moving forward. It causes us to stay stuck, maybe get worse, for those issues to escalate. What happens is you end up in this cycle of frustration without moving towards a solution. And number four so one, it spreads negativity. Two, it undermines trust. Three, it solves nothing. And four another big effect is it hurts your reputation.

Speaker 1:

Think about people who come and dump on you. Do you think about them consistently with admiration or do you think about them as, oh my gosh, they got to get it together and figure out what to do about this problem. If you're consistently that person who complains or gripes about others, some people may think maybe this is you. If you're the one always venting and griping, maybe the common denominator is you. What also could happen is people might see you as someone who focuses on problems, not solution.

Speaker 1:

Now, I don't know about you, but I and I have gone through periods of venting. I know I have, but it's not the kind of personal brand I want, and I'm sure it's not the kind of personal brand you want to cultivate in your career, because leadership is really about solving problems. It's not about amplifying them, it's not about making them worse or staying stuck. What can you do instead of venting? And I want you to think about this, not just for yourself, but think about it for being a good role model for this, but coaching others to do the same. And there are four things that you can do. Number one is practice emotional regulation. If you think other people are causing your emotional reactions, that is wrong. You cause your emotional reactions, right. Emotional intelligence is a key leadership skill. So before you vent, ask yourself is there some real issue here? What is the emotion I'm feeling and why am I feeling that way? Is this stress? Is there a problem that I need to address? And sometimes taking a deep breath or writing things down can help you process your emotion all by yourself, without needing to foist it on an unsuspecting colleague or friend that we're dragging down into the mic with us without even realizing we're doing it.

Speaker 1:

Number two focus on problem solving. Try to focus on solutions. When you think about the difficulties and stress associated with the challenge you're having, ask yourself what can you do to change the situation. Problem-solving process that I'm training in a lot of classes right now. It's called the 1-3-1 model. One get really clear on what the problem is. The second step is come up with three potential solutions and the third step is to pick one and implement it. And I think the brilliant part of that 1-3-1 strategy is it moves you off from the venting, the frustration, the complaining, and it moves you towards actions and decision-making. One is identify the problem. Step two is identifying three things you can do and step three is identifying one thing to implement. I promise it'll help you move forward in a more practical, realistic and professional way.

Speaker 1:

Number three address the issue directly. If your frustration involves another person, talk to them. Have a constructive conversation with the person involved. Use assertive communication. I want I feel I need help, ask for partnership and collaboration in resolving the issue so you can reduce the tension that you're probably experiencing and probably dragging around in your head about this person, and that's going to lead to an improved relationship rather than just venting about the problem, and I know that's hard to do. Think about this if it's someone who has more power in the organization than you, but think of the credibility and trust you can establish if you have the courage to assert yourself in these conversations.

Speaker 1:

And then idea number four is seek constructive support, and what I mean by that is there's a difference between going and dumping and venting on someone and seeking constructive feedback. If you need advice, if you want someone to actually help you think through the solutions, then find a trusted mentor or colleague to do that. Find a counselor, a therapist, a coach, and begin to frame the conversation in a way that's about resolving the issue and helping you to move forward in a constructive, productive way. You're going to be thankful that you took action, constructive action, rather than just wallowing in the negativity. I promise you you will feel better. Here is the bottom line Venting may feel like a release and many people think it is, but ultimately it's destructive for you personally and professionally and for the team around you and culture, personally and professionally, and for the team around you and culture. Instead of feeding into that negativity and that drama, shift your focus to problem solving. Shift your focus to regulating your emotions, consider a way to directly communicate with the other party involved. That may be contributing to the challenge that you're experiencing.

Speaker 1:

Leadership is about creating positive change right, and that starts with how we handle our frustration. I hear so many people say I want to lead by example. If you want to lead by example, be the kind of leader who doesn't just react to things, but responds thoughtfully. And remember you do not need a title to lead, you just need the mindset, the actions and the intent to create a positive impact in every situation. Join me, won't you, in trying to curtail the drama and reduce the venting. I think we're all going to feel better. Thank you for joining me today on the Intentional Leaders podcast. If you found this episode helpful, don't forget to subscribe and share it with someone who might need to hear this message. Until next time, keep leading with intention. Thank you.